Today was the day. If I am to be absolutely honest, I have been anticipating this day much longer than I would allow myself to admit. What was it that made me want to leave you ask? To say I have fallen out of love would be a lie, a travesty, because I. DID. NOT.
I think we both knew. And I think we both braced ourselves for when that time came. Up until now, it’s hard for me to think back and see life without him. He has always been with me for years. We were always a team. Always him and I. We were not perfect for each other. But man, God knows how many fights we have loved over the years. And yet, even if you ask us this very moment to talk about those moments, we would probably burst out laughing the whole day. Truth be told, up to now, he is the best person and man I know.
He is sweet, and gentle towards me. And yet he is fiercely protective and caring. He was the only person who made me feel safe. I saw how much he wanted me to just let go and let him take care of me. I look at his beautiful hazel beautiful hazel eyes and I see the sincere man I fell in love with years ago. He was funny beyond belief, and loyal beyond life itself. He loved his family like his life, and kissed his grandmother a lot. I’ve always wondered how this guy, tall, handsome, with that boyish smile just loved spending Saturday afternoons cuddled on the couch surrounded by pillows and blankets eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate.
I’d always fall asleep before the 2nd movie is finished, and I would always wake up with either a kiss on my forehead or the smell of pizza he ordered for dinner. He enjoyed moments like that, and I lived for them, because on work days, we hauled ass. We are similar like that, loving what we do, and working our hardest. I love him, more than anything, and I know he did too.
You might be wondering why then, how come I talk about him with so much admiration and yet I write alone in a table drinking coffee by myself.
You see, time went by and passed, and we remained who we were. People who were in love. We grew to be better people. I’m sure you would agree. But I guess through the years, we both realized we remained together for selfish reasons, more for ourselves than for each other.
Isn’t that what happiness is about you ask?
I don’t have the slightest idea how to explain it to you. But when I found true love, I realized being together wasn’t the ONLY option. It also meant being at peace at being apart. I didn’t think it was THAT LOVE when I agreed to be his girlfriend that sunny Sunday stroll at the park while eating coffee ice cream. However, everyday, I fell in love a little bit more, a little deeper. It consumed my being slowly, until one day, I woke up with the text message from the person who I know owns my heart forever.
I am not the least bit afraid of losing him. No. I know I won’t.
I did not let him go, I let him be. People said I did not love him and they could not have been more mistaken. I love him, if that is the last thing I ever do. But then love does not come in shackles but with freedom. Love, one that does not make sense, exists and is nevertheless true.
He hugged me tight and smiled warmly, that knowing smile. He was about to hop on a plane to see the Louvre…
Did you see the pictures I sent you? Oh my goodness the pizza here is absolutely delightful! The best I am telling you! I know you are guessing, betting, on how this will end for us. Should we really know immediately? Shall I date? Do you think he will? Am I driving you crazy now? Haha! I should go now. I’m about to head out and find a place to have dinner. See you soon.