When I Decide to Walk Away

girl-walking-away-painting

credits to the owner of this painting

I guess what they say is true, about familiarity bringing comfort. There have been countless times when I questioned myself as to why I keep on doing it. Trying to converse when all the other wants is to talk. But then, who else is there? I have no one else really. Maybe it’s the anonymity and familiarity that makes a person so attractive and so seemingly worthwhile. Frightening thing, mediocrity – in life and love, and everything else in between.

I wonder when was the last time I have had a seriously good conversation, a really good laugh, a genuinely thought-provoking discourse. The kind which, when I look back to it, I smile at the thought of how fruitful and precious it was. When did people ever forget that we learn more from conversations than a mindless button with the thumb sticking out? These days, I find myself seriously deprived of such…. shall I say luxury? Again, when did sensible conversations become such a rare thing?

It is more frustrating to have to struggle with someone you want to know much more. It’s almost infuriating to have to settle to simple question-answer episodes. Like I said, maybe the reason I stay is because of the familiarity, to the person and the situation. It’s comforting, in an almost sad way.

I won’t settle for it. I know myself enough to know that much. There will come a time for it. When I get tired, and finally convince myself, my stubborn self, that all this is not healthy and just walk away. And at that point, away I walk for good.

We become no more than strangers, and familiarity becomes just a memory, and comfort becomes nothing but a wish.

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