How’s and Why’s

 

How does it feel?

To know that somewhere, someone thinks of you before they shut their eyes and go to dreamland.

How does it feel?

To be assured of being loved back.

How does it feel?

Being confident that true love is not a paracosm

How does it feel?

Knowing that after everything else, you are safe

How do you feel?

How did you feel?

How do I feel?

How is it?

That I have no idea

Why is it?

Too difficult for  me.

-Ms. P-

 

Advertisements

On taking a HIATUS

Lovely people!

Sooooo, I HAVE been gone for a looooong time. And normally, I would have an alibi for not being able to post for a while. But honestly, I do not have one. So instead, I just would like to share what happened to me for the past few months that led to this moment of writing a sort-of-explanation-sort-of-not about why I suddenly went quiet.

GOT A NEW JOB

Let’s go 9 months back. I was offered a teaching job at a nursing school here at my province. It is in the city which i a 45-hour bus ride from where I actually live but I figured I should really give it a shot. After all, it has been my dream to become a professor. So I started with 3 courses every week, which is not a lot by the way, but I enjoyed it a lot. I saw myself looking back and seeing how things all worked out to bring me to the four-walls of a classroom full of college students waiting for me to say something interesting they could use to prevent people from dying. By the way, if you lovely people do not know, I am a registered nurse, and now, a clinical instructor thank you very much!

WHERE TO GO NEXT

After that first semester, I knew I wasn’t guaranteed anything for the next one. I worked on a part-time basis and if the college did not need me, they just don’t hire my services. Simple, but painful too. I enjoyed teaching, and sharing what little I know of the world to bright young  minds. I enjoyed seeing them progress from a bunch of scared students to confident trainees ready to become professionals. I’ve always believed in the nobility and competence of the nursing profession. I love sharing that pride with them. But then as the weeks rolled by, I knew I needed a contingency so I sent out a bunch of my CVs and prayed for the best. Opportunities knocked, but then something just kept telling me to wait it out and see what is on the other side. So I did.

HOPES UP

I was re-hired as a part-time faculty, though I was still keeping back-up options just in case. I was already teaching, at peace with the current situation I am in, when I got a text message at 9 o’clock in the morning telling me I have an interview for a permanent teaching position in our university. I could not believe my eyes! I debated whether I should just take my chances, or wait it out like the last time. But I knew that if I didn’t go, I would forever regret it. Turns out, I was right. I did go, and things turned out better than what I had hoped they would.

GOT IT

I got the job! I would not have imagined being a permanent, tenured employee at this age, considering I am in the academe. I was so happy-for my family, and for myself as well. All I could think of was how my life is starting to make sense, and gain direction because of this. And of course, all the books I can buy! But then again, all the books I cannot read too!

THE DOWNSIDE

I did not have enough time, ever, to read. I was so occupied with preparing lectures, and exams, and evaluations, and researches, and adulting stuff that I did not realize how long it has been since I sat down and reviewed a book, or read one for that matter. I had to weigh things really well to understand that this, THIS LIFE, is what I need to focus on right now. I know I said before that this place is my safe place. It is my haven, and it still is. I missed this place, that is why now I am here, bearing my feelings once more.

But life has overtaken all of those days of vigorous reading and passionate writing. It has replaced those days of intellectual conversations with book lovers like I am. Now I clash minds with brilliant professionals as to how researches in the health care field may be improved. I hope you don’t misunderstand. It is not that I haven’t read anything at all. During the past few months I have been inactive on this blog, I have been reading, though considerably slower that my usual pace, because of the other things I have to do. I love reading, and I would never ever stop doing it. I just didn’t know it would take so much out of me that I can’t read or write as freely as I could back then.

In all honesty, I miss the community I got to meet because of my love for books. I miss talking with them, and sharing thoughts and feelings with these people who truly understand what it is to fall in love with a villain, or hate the guts of an angel. I miss interacting with you. But I guess in life, you have to make choices in order to grow, and realize that you are an adult.

I will not completely abandon this blog. I may just be lie-lowing for a bit. I know for sure that I cannot be as active as I was before but I sure will try to visit more often than I did the past few months. I have read a few books I want to get reviews up for. So maybe I can start with that again? Or maybe something original? I guess we’ll see!

Before I go, I just want to thank you dear reader for making it through the end of this potentially boring post. Thank you for following, and spending time reading the thoughts of a book lover. That one view that you contributed to my stats is very much appreciated, and I could not thank you enough for.

See you in my next post!